Couples where one partner has ADHD typically have the same struggles as other couples, but perhaps more frequently and more intensely. They often fall into a chase dynamic with the non-ADHD partner feeling the burden of over-functioning and the ADHD partner feeling too often like they cannot get it right. It is crucial to break this disheartening tug of war by helping both partners to negotiate disagreements more effectively. We will discuss how to help couples navigate this process of balancing the need for some aspects of the relationship to change while also accepting the differences that remain.